From Cape Women: Coaching! What is it? Who does it? Are we ready for it? By Nicola Francis-Burnell What, exactly, is Coaching? We all have our methods of self-sabotage that keep us stuck in life when our hearts really, really want to move forward. Procrastination and refusing to delegate are two powerful ways to ensure that we never actually get "there," wherever "there" is. Often, we cannot break our negative cycles because we are so used to depending upon them. We feel stuck. But if you are stuck, don't worry, this is a great place to start a dynamic, transformational process called Coaching which most people don't even know is available. Coaching is not a magic wand, it is a process that supports someone through life's major and minor transitions. We can all benefit from support, no matter where we are in our life's journey, and now there are coaches who specialize in different areas of "life" who can offer this support and much more. If you are thinking of making any life changes, whether they be professional and personal, as we move into a new age of communication, coaching may be an option worth exploring. Lou Roy was going through a major life transition when she hired a coach. "Coaching has helped me to focus and stay on a path," Lou says. "It has also helped me to allay my fears. I'm a very self-directed person, very self-motivated, but when I resigned from my job it was a big thing for me. I knew exactly what I wanted, but didn't know where to begin. Coaching helped me to sequentially organize my life and move ahead." A coach can view your life from a totally detached perspective, pointing out areas where you could help yourself to break negative cycles, opening the doors for great personal change. "I wake up every morning happy!" Lou cries. "My eyes are the bluest and the clearest when I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and feeling comfortable at that place. I really feel the coaching has helped me get there." "There are a lot of components to coaching that I really like," says Candace Hammond, a Personal and Career Coach and member of the International Coaching Federation, who discovered coaching after going through a divorce. "I was thinking about what I wanted to do and I kept coming back to doing something with personal growth." While thumbing through her son's book "Cool Careers For Dummies," she came across an article on Coach University. "It was everything that I wanted to do," she recalls. "Sometimes people just need someone to listen to them and to care about what they are saying. Other times coaching is just about asking the right questions." Coach University is the largest recognized training center for Personal and Career Coaches, offering their courses through distance learning. The flexibility of this sort of study allows working people to schedule their classes around their jobs and parents to remain at home with their children. Coaches-in-training have access to unlimited resources and materials through something called "teleclasses," which are carefully organized one-hour conference calls, allowing anyone from anywhere in the world to participate in the courses. "I wondered at first how this could all work," Candy admits. "But there is a certain etiquette that we all get used to." Testing for the training is done via the Internet. "It's a real '90s kind of a thing, a virtual university. Even though coaching is very much an intuitive business, I felt I needed to know I had the tools and the techniques." "We all bring our life experience to coaching," says Ellen Anthony, a librarian, artist, poet, television producer and writer, who is now pursuing a full time career in coaching. After being in India for nine months, Ellen described feeling "slightly out of whack. I could not re-enter my life." A sample coaching session instantly opened doors for her that helped her to move forward in areas of her life where she had felt stuck. "A coach is a neutral, unconditionally supportive companion," she explains. Coaching is a process designed to help someone take positive steps towards their dreams faster and more effectively than they would progress alone. Linda Davies believes that the secret to living a fulfilled, happy life "lies in being who you are, doing what you love, and connecting meaningfully with people." For the last 23 years she has had a private psychotherapist practice in Hartford, Connecticut. "My transition and my dream is to be down here on the Cape full time," Linda says. "I've felt a strong pull to the Cape since 1970." When Linda came across an article about coaching, she realized that she had really been coaching her whole life. "I don't think that people need a coach the way that people need a therapist, but people want to hire a coach because the quality of their life just goes up so many notches. Hooking people up with the appropriate connections is a big part of coaching," Linda says. "One really nice thing about Coach University is the network of support and resources that I have built up. But a coach doesn't fix someone's life," she warns, "A coach creates a safe and positively constructive environment to educate, support and train a client." With 200 hours of credit completed with Coach University, Linda is about to graduate. "So often, most people I work with do not realize their own gifts, so I always work with them on their gift list: 'What do you see as your unique qualities?' I ask them. This allows them to really look inside themselves and figure out what it is they want to do with their lives. Most women are caretakers and we've all been outer-focused and external in helping other people, but not ourselves. Coaching is about helping people figure out what they really, really want in their lives and then what steps to take to accomplish that." Katie Clancy, who holds an undergraduate degree in zoology, a Master's degree in education, and is certified by the American Council on Exercise as a Lifestyle and Weight Management Consultant, had an epiphany after suffering a serious back injury while pregnant. "It was a very emotional reality check that prompted me to take inventory of my life... I was heavy, I had a newborn, I couldn't really walk, and I knew that things had to change, and that I could change them," she said. Katie decided to take control of her life, starting with a weight loss program. She then listed her dreams, set goals and constructed action plans, achieving every objective over the course of two years. When Katie came across coaching, through a friend, she realized that "this was the closest thing to a calling for me that I have ever encountered." She then set about establishing her own coaching practice, The Great Life Consulting. "The thought of starting my own business was daunting, so I hired a coach to get me through the transition," she said. Katie has worked with her coach, Mary Cushman, who lives in Maine, for over a year now. "I take a lot from my coach," Katie admits. "We have never met face-to-face, but we have a very effective relationship." As a successful weight management coach, Katie understand that what her clients are looking for is a change in their lifestyle. "What all kinds of coaching have in common, across the board, is change," Katie says. "Someone wants change, and they need help. A lot of the weight management and control is about the feeling that 'I'm worth this work!' By the time they come to me, the assumption is that they are ready." "Coaching is about realizing a person's strengths and looking toward the future, whereas therapy is dealing with old wounds and weaknesses, very much focusing on the past," she adds. The value of therapy is that it clears out negative emotions, making room for positive change. "Coaching offers hope, starting with what someone already has," Katie explains. It also makes you accountable to yourself. "I believe that people were coaching long before they realized it. It's a natural evolution of lots of different areas." Not all professional coaches have studied with Coach University. Beverly Ryle, for example, came to coaching from "a number of different channels in my live coming together." Beverly, a professional development, career and business coach, works with people in career transition and with entrepreneurial business owners. Initially trained in marketing, she applied this skill to writing resumes in her own entrepreneurial business and in the process learned a lot about business. She also discovered that most people do not have career and life management skills. Master's degree training in career development, as well as with Dick Billes, author of "What Color is Your Parachute?", paved the way for becoming a career counselor. Later, when her clients became business owners, she became a business coach. "My personal evolution toward coaching has been driven by my clients," she says. "As an entrepreneur, you don't have accountability to anyone. My clients recognize that value of having someone who knows enough about them and their business to keep them on track." Beverly sees two key steps in her work as a coach: "The first step is helping a client create vision and claim specific goals." Often, a client will have so many ideas that she doesn't know where to start, or she is constantly moving from one thing to another without a clear sense of priorities. In this case, a career coach can help her to focus and establish a plan to achieve each goal in a structured manner. "The second step is keeping the client in the process, which involves both fighting off the demons that tell her she doesn't deserve good things in her work/life, and making her accountable for her part in empowering change," she continues, and admits that she continues to learn what she teaches her clients -- "I'm just a little ahead in the process." Tanny Mann also worked in corporate America as a sales coach, as president of her own networking company, SNI, for 15 years. She closed her company three years ago, after coaching such companies as Poland Spring, AT&T and North American Van Lines as well as smaller entrepreneurial companies. "In my own life I set goals," Tanny explains. "I was going to retire when I was 60, but I met my goals three years ahead of time." She is a life style coach and author. "When you go through school you don't get a course on 'life style living'," says Tanny. "No-one really teaches you how to cope with the daily things that may happen to you, whether they be devastating or fabulous. I'm very focused on helping women because I really believe it's still a man's world and I'm good at it!" Tanny was forced to teach herself how to overcome adversity when her husband left her for another woman, she became bankrupt, and underwent a radical mastectomy. "But I've got four successful children and I know I'm effective by being real. The proof is in the pudding!" Tanny laughs. "I believe women can help themselves more than they realize they can. My main objective is to help people so they don't need me anymore." Coaching involves a very empowering process called "Action Steps" that literally means taking baby steps toward specified goals. These action steps are designated at weekly coaching meetings. Every action is encouraged and supported by the coach in a way that makes the next steps safe ones. "When I coach people through career changes," Linda Davies explains, "I help them build up a reserve of money, time, support and resources, so that when they get to the point of making a huge life change, some of the anxiety is taken out of it. I really think it just reduces the stress, making for an easier transition." A coach may begin action steps by addressing a client's list of "Tolerations." "There are things in life that we just tolerate," explains Candy Hammond. "These are energy vampires that suck our energy every time we experience them." Fixing a leaking faucet or clearing out a closet can work wonders on any harried, disorganized soul! "The goal in coaching, ultimately, is to become toleration-free." Accountability for setting and accomplishing goals is very important. "Knowing that you've got to account to somebody will help you tackle your action steps. Coaching is a matter of helping somebody prioritize and making them see that they are important." "One of the things that I've worked on in my own coaching is all the mundane stuff that has been utterly transformed in my life," Ellen Anthony says. "My home and my kitchen are beautiful: I'm surrounded by nurturing; the consciousness of everything in my life is just sparkling." But how do busy people find the time to address these "tolerations" and "action steps" which are such a fundamental part of coaching? "People who are really stressed out are the ones who really need a coach," Linda laughs. "It's about having less of certain things and having more of the good things." There is tremendous change in the first three months of coaching because people just start feeling differently about their lives. "This whole coaching program has been a great experience for me to get rid of the tolerations and clean up my act, to provide more space for more joy to come in. It works. Once you start to experience what it's like to feel that, you don't want to go back. Coaching takes a lot of the fear out of life, and it also adds joy and balance." Another crucial coaching term is "Extreme Self Care," which addresses the theory that you cannot give from an empty vessel. As an at-home mother for 20 years, Candy Hammond understands how easy it is to "think so little of yourself and what you have to offer the world. I want to be a vehicle by which people can start to feel good about themselves. I can't think of anything better than to help people feel excited about their lives. It's taken me a long time to realize that it's okay to spend time on me," she admits. "When you just keep giving, you end up with nothing left to give and you start getting resentful." Extreme self care may be taking 15 minutes to mediate, or enjoying an uninterrupted bath. "Women, especially, are so hard on themselves. When we meet a goal, or have a success we just immediately go on to the next thing and don't congratulate our success. A coach is there to remind you to take a minute and enjoy this. A coach will give you perspective on your growth." "Listening is an enormous part of coaching," says Tanny Mann. "You have to be a very, very, good listener and also very empathic. I really listen with my heart." Tanny's family has been in the funeral directing business since 1907, so she appreciates the fragility of life. Her book, entitled "Life's Wake-Up Calls," is the result of many keynote addresses that she made across the country, during which time she discovered that the bottom line to all her corporate client's issues were personal things; "I call them the 'by-the-ways.' I'm a very good networker for other women. I put people in touch with the right person. I believe we all have a purpose here and the greatest part, without a doubt, is the result that people get from coaching." Most coaches offer individual or group coaching sessions. "The group coaching is really powerful." Katie says. "My weight management groups last for 12 weeks, which is a good length of time to start a habit. It usually gets you through the change of a season, past the point of faking it." Is there a spiritual element to coaching? "Absolutely!" affirms Ellen Anthony. "I'm drawing people to me who are interested in exploring their spiritual self, so I expect that I will work with people who either gave up on a dream or couldn't believe in themselves. I so strongly believe in restoring that. Having a strong relationship to your inner life is just foundational, for everything. "It's so important to really help people get in touch with how they experience their spiritual side," Linda Davies adds. "I try to hear where my clients are coming from in terms of how they conceptualize their spirituality. It is important to support them and help them develop that side of themselves." Many people come to Cape Cod to heal, but is the Cape Cod community ready for coaching? "No question about it!" Linda says. "I think the world's ready for it!" There is great power in coaching, both for the client and the coach. "There are changes that happen just from the fact that someone hires a coach," Linda says. "Even though coaching is only half an hour a week, coaching goes on 24 hours a day inside that person." According to Ellen, the right time for coaching is when a client is "in a place where they are ready and willing to grow and to learn and to leap by bounds." The women that I interviewed for this article echoed each other in their desire to be available and to help others. I was so inspired by their integrity, their passion for their work and the limitless potential that this process has to offer, that I hired one of them as my own coach. I realized that not only could I benefit greatly from having a coach, but that I was worthy of the investment in myself. From my own experience, coaching is a structured framework that helps you to open doors, supports you as you walk through them, and then congratulates you as you emerge on the other side. It's all about making risks on yourself, exploring your gifts and discovering who you truly are. Only then can you really feel and live like a whole person. I believe Cape Cod is for this kind of work. It is a very healing, energetic community. So where is all this wonderful energy taking us in the new millennium? "The whole planet is going to benefit from this," Lou Roy says. For Ellen Anthony, coaching offers her a way to give more of herself to people. "This coaching format is such a heart-opening posture to have toward people; you are basically asking them "How can I help you with your life?" It's so beautiful. Nobody teaches you how to live. This is where coaching comes in and fills a huge gap." "The most important thing to me, in life, is people and connections and helping people build community," says Linda. "That's really what it's about for me. I don't picture ever not doing this, it really is who I am and what I love." Moving to the Cape has allowed Beverly Ryle to add a new dimension to her coaching practice, Career Retreats. "Coaching is very intense work, I find off-Cape clients who schedule personal seminars with me also enjoy being able to get away, walk the beach, or go to a gallery and that this too adds to the healing experience. Many people come to see me in the middle of a career crisis because they rightly sense that this is a very bad place to make a decision alone." There is so little support for people in a career/business crisis. What used to be called Personnel is now termed Human Resources and internal politics can complicate communications and create a sense of isolation. Beverly visualizes a web site, which is part of her 2000 plan, as potentially a very good source for this kind of support, but admits to being concerned that the response might be overwhelming. Katie Clancy would agree. "Get online, understand the computer, master this," Katie enthuses. "Just embrace it! It's a whole new world that's empowering. You have all these resources at your fingertips, quite literally." With the assistance of her laptop, Katie plans to explain her business into coaching postnatal women, "which is a great time to change, because a women's entire life is in an uproar." She also hopes to work with patients who are trying to change their lifestyles to save their health. "How do heart patients or diabetic patients make major dietary changes overnight?" asks Katie. "Patient compliance is a huge issue; they want to make the change, but they don't even know where to start. They could get a coach to help them." Each coach sets her own fee according to her level of experience. But this financial commitment is more of an emotional and spiritual commitment to the Self. In order for someone to succeed in a coaching relationship, there must be a certain level of commitment. "It has been a pattern in my life," says Ellen, "that when my heart gets something crystal clear about something that seems absolutely right for me, there's really nothing ever in the way." Generally, the fee is taken one month at a time, covering weekly half-hour interviews, either face-to-face or on the telephone. Additional encouragement may also be sent via e-mail throughout the week. Coaching takes time to evolve, it establishes its own weekly rhythm. "Trust in the Universe," Candy confides. "If you start taking positive steps and sending out certain vibes, it just comes back to you." The same week that I hired my coach two new clients came to me. I believe that if you make the commitment for yourself, the Universe will provide you with everything you need to pursue your dreams. "You just start to see things differently," Linda explains. "Lots of people hire a coach with specific goals that they want to accomplish. Others want to really look at building a stronger personal foundation, which has to do with completing old stuff, learning to set boundaries, simplifying their lives and getting rid of 'tolerations' that drag them down." It's a matter of priority and deciding that you really want to have change in your life. All of the coaches I interviewed for this article work with their own coach. As a firewalk instructor myself, I truly believe in walking your talk. For more information, you may contact these coaches directly: Candace Hammond (508) 896 5226 email antis@capecod.net Beverly Rye (508) 240 3532 email bevryle@capecod.net Katie Clancy (508) 394 8069 email tglconsult@capecod.net Linda Davies (508) 255 4913 email lifecoach@capecod.net Tanny Mann (508) 536 1988 email TannyMann@aol.com Ellen Anthony (508) 349 3439 email eanthony@capecod.net NICOLA FRANCIS-BURNELL is a writer, teacher, Reiki master and life consultant. She is also establishing a vision in progress called First Light of Cape Cod, a teaching and healing facility.