My name is Linda Bailey-Davies, and I am an out and proud lesbian living the life of my dreams on Cape Cod, Massachusetts, with my partner of 36 years, Gloria Bailey-Davies, and our two Ragdoll cats, Zoe and Peri. From this beautiful peninsula, I am able to coach clients all over the world!

There is no way I could have dreamed of a life like this when I was growing up in rural Wisconsin. Hearing Patti Page's song of "Old Cape Cod" in the 1960s stirred imaginings in my soul, mostly of a place where I might escape amidst the "sand dunes and salt sea air," 1,500 miles away from my very conservative family, to begin to look at what made me feel so "different" from everyone else I knew.

During my years at the University of Wisconsin, I fell in love with a woman for the first time and began to get a sense of why I had always felt like I never quite fit in. Neither of us ever used the words lesbian or gay. We truly believed that this was just a "special friendship," that it would be only while we were in college, and that "it" would never happen again with any other woman.

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I came out East to go to graduate school and began my studies at Princeton Theological Seminary where I received a Master's Degree in Religious Education and planned for a career as a social worker in a church. I also made my first visit to Cape Cod and found it just as magical as I had always imagined. I knew I would return some day.

As I was finishing the program at Princeton and getting ready to start graduate studies at Smith College School for Social Work, my "special friend" informed me quite abruptly that our relationship was over, that she could not possibly continue in a relationship with a woman, and that I needed to move on.

I was devastated. We had not even come out to ourselves, let alone anyone else. I was alone, starting my MSW program at Smith, moving to a new city, and feeling like I was a stranger even to myself.

What did all of this mean? Should I just forget about what happened? Never tell anyone? Start my life over and date guys again? I tried not to think about it.

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It was at this low point in my life that I met Gloria, the woman who would become the love of my life, my best friend, my soul mate, my business associate, and my life partner for the past 36 years. If I had only known at the time . . .

The beginning of our relationship was conflicted and painful, mostly because my feelings for her challenged my perception that "it" would never happen again. Once might mean a "special friendship," but twice raised for me the possibility that I might be "queer." I loved her because of who she was and hated her for what it meant about me. My inability to accept that I was a lesbian nearly destroyed our relationship because I often pushed her away and wanted to continue to date men as a cover.

Though we were colleagues at the same mental health agency, we were not "out" to anyone. Working intensively with children and their families meant that we could not possibly be out and still keep our jobs. I also began to realize that I would never be able to fulfill my goal of becoming a social worker in a church unless I was willing to live with secrets, denials, and pretense — hardly an example of a well-balanced life in harmony with the universe.

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I knew something had to radically change in order for me to be comfortable in my own skin and to do my best work as a fully integrated person. With the love and support of many friends, I was beginning to feel more comfortable identifying myself as a lesbian. My relationship with Gloria was developing into a source of strength and inspiration for me. It became clear to me that my days working at an agency as an invisible, closeted lesbian were numbered.

I experienced a "life transforming rejection" when I was passed over for a promotion that I truly deserved because the other candidate was a "man who had a wife and children to support," as my boss told me. My anger helped mobilize me to think about what I really, really wanted to do for work.

I needed to find a way to take the risk of being completely myself — not hiding in the closet and letting the chips fall where they may (within reason, of course). I also made a commitment at this time to spend the rest of my life working with others who wanted to become more authentic and find ways to live their lives more openly and visibly. I persuaded Gloria to join me in starting a private psychotherapy practice that would specialize in working with "women and the people in their lives." We also let it be known through informal circles that we would include gay men as well, but we did not have the courage to use the words gay or lesbian in our advertising when we began — nor did we even begin to understand the needs of bisexual or transgender people at the time.

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During the past 30 years, I have been privileged to work with some of the most courageous people in the world. I have seen over and over the effects of discrimination because of sexual identity and/or sexual orientation. It has crushed spirits, torn apart families, ruined careers, and prevented people from even daring to dream of what their lives could be like.

And yet time and again, I have witnessed the transformation of those who have been willing to commit themselves to creating an authentic life on their own terms: being who they are, doing what they love, and connecting meaningfully with others. This is a challenge for anyone. It is a particularly awesome one for people who are often judged harshly just for being themselves.

No one can complete this journey all alone. We need each other more than we can possibly imagine. I have had much help along the way, and I am surrounded now by a loving circle of close friends and family who love me just as I am. One of the great joys in my life has been finding a spiritual home in a church that not only welcomes people of all religious beliefs but invites and encourages lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people to come and join in, be openly visible, and celebrate their relationships based on the love that exists between them regardless of the gender of either partner.

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I believe that every experience I have had in my life so far has brought me to the place where I can be most useful to LGBT people as a personal life coach. This combines all the knowledge I have gained as a psychotherapist, teacher, workshop leader, spiritual seeker, committed life partner, and one who has personally learned how to "walk the walk."

Coaching LGBT clients on their journeys toward fully lived, authentic lives brings me great joy and satisfaction. It is work that enriches my life and nurtures my soul. I am able to be fully who I am; do work that I really, really love; and make meaningful, often life transforming, connections with my clients.

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